This is their story...

<Dramatic music with violins and big bass drumming.>

Kara: "Do you know how to get downtown, Amers? I know this place is somewhere on Park. I think."

Amy: (Who has only been to downtown Rochester once) "Sure. We go this way." <points randomly>

Kara: (Is rather dubious as to Amy's directional skills, but remembers that her dearest roommate is in search & rescue, thus she must somehow know how to navigate in the real world. Unfortunately, her assumption is wrong.) "Okay. Let's go!"

<Driving ensues. Lots of driving. Lots and lots of driving. In fact, an hour of driving.>

Kara: "That's it. We're stopping for directions."

Amy: (In a very man-esqe fashion, does not want to stop for directions) "I'm sure we can find it."

<More driving. This time, through one of Rochester's many ghettoes. There are abandoned buildings everyone. A row of hoodlums glare at our intrepid pair, who thereafter make a rather futile attempt to look inconspicuous and roll up their windows and lock their doors. It becomes apparent that they are unwanted in this neighborhood full of "Harriet Tubman Apartments" and "Joe's Chicken Shack." Luckily, they manage to escape, back toward the white-friendly world of inner downtown.>

Kara: "Directions. Now."

Amy: (Is still feeling adventurous, even after the ghetto ordeal.) "Oh bah. We're smart. We can find it."

Kara: (Is, fortunately, smarter than Amy) "No. We're stopping."

<They park, and enter the "Rochester Visitor's Center," feeling like a pair of dweebs. The nice old ladies inside make them feel less stupid, but seeing as how they're both eighty years old and call our brave pair "Sweetheart" and "Honey," it's hard to resist the balm upon their frazzled nerves. Directions are asked, and given.>

Old Lady: "Oh, it's not too far to Park Avenue. Just a few blocks. You darlings can walk; it's such a beautiful day! I know you'll just love the scenery. Such a nice area."

Kara: (Believing in the credibility of old people, agrees.) "Yes, let's walk, Amy."

Amy: (Not reassured. Glances down at flipflops. Reluctantly agrees, amidst much grumbling.) "Oh fine."

<Now, instead of driving, walking ensues. Lots and lots of walking. Almost a mile of it.>

Amy: (In a fit of insight, realizes that they're far away from the car, and carrying whatever purchases they make back to their vehicle, in the hot sun, for at least a mile and a half, is probably not the best idea.) "Y'know, maybe we should get the car and drive it to Park Avenue. My feet hurt. I don't want to carry tapestries two miles. Let's go back and get your Honda."

Kara: "But... it's so nice out..."

Amy: (Proceeds to glare at Kara until she cowers before Amy's mighty antlered wrath)

Kara: "Fine. We'll go back and get the car."

<A sweaty Amers and slightly disgruntled Kara proceed to walk back to the car. Luckily, it hasn't been stolen. Some nice Counting Crow music is played, and they enjoy a leisurely drive to Park Avenue. A nasty lady in a huge SUV tailgates them, but in the spirit of adventure and optimism, they ignore everyone's irritation over their slow grandma-esque driving and eventually park.>

Kara: (Smiles happily. At this point, our heroes are both cheerful again.) "This is so nice. Tapestry time?"

Amy: (Makes some elaborate gesture. Actually smiles in return.) "After you..."

<Amers and Kara walk. And walk. And walk. And all there are, upon this bizarre Park Avenue, is restaurants. Many restaurants, nestled in between regular houses. It's as if someone threw a few bistros in a residential area. Trying their best to ignore this rather bizarre neighborhood, they continue. There are no stores. Where, oh dear God, is the tapestry store?!>

Amy: "Um. Kara? I see no tapestry stores. There's a liquor store, and a mexican restaurant. That's it."

Kara: (Is not as pessimistic as her Japanese companion.) "We're only halfway there. It'll be up there."

<They walk more. No tapestry store is in sight. At this point, after much prodding, Kara calls the store. The operator politely tells her that the number is disconnected. Amy frowns. The two enter a nice looking store selling fritzy and country-ish painted cows and potpourri vases and many other old lady things. Kara asks for directions.>

Dumpy Woman 1: "I don't know, dearie. Is it next to the bakery?"

Dumpy Woman 2: "Isn't that the store where the people skipped out at night so they didn't have to pay the rent?"

Kara: (Looks questioningly toward Amy) "Amy? Did you hear that?"

Amy: (Is engaged in staring wide-eyed at the thousands of blown-glass bongs and pipes displayed discreetly in the back of the store behind all the country knick-knacks. Waves hand absentmindedly in Kara's general direction.) "Yeah... uh... let's buy tapestries."

<Our duo leaves the two dumpy middle-aged women behind, once again engaged in their quest to find the elusive tapestries. They walk. And walk. And right where their map says the tapestry store should be is a bike shop. A BIKE SHOP.>

Amy & Kara: (In unison) "WHERE THE HELL IS THE FUCKING TAPESTRY STORE?!"

Amy: (Proceeds to stomp around looking like she's about to kick someone if it weren't for the fact that she has blisters on her feet after walking almost three miles in flipflops.)

Kara: (Stares forlornly at the store where her beloved tapestries should be.)

Amy: (Curses loudly in Japanese, much to the chagrin and interest and embarassment of several passing pedestrians.) "That's it. We're going back. I'm tired of this. We'll buy a fucking tapestry at the fucking grocery store. We're leaving. Now."

Kara: (Is too tired to disagree, and just nods and follows Amy docilely until they pass a record store.) "I have to buy something to validate this entire useless trip. I want a CD."

Amy: "I agree. It's the principle of the matter. We have to buy something, or I'll hate myself."

<A very pleasant Weezer CD is purchased by Kara, while Amy stares wide-eyed at some Akira action figures. Our pair then proceeds back to their car, a long blister-enducing trek that leaves both of them tired, disgruntled, and looking as if they would like to shoot someone.>

Kara: "We still need to get our carpet."

Amy: (Somehow manages to nod while listening numbly to Weezer. Is, quite frankly, too apathetic to do more than stare blankly out the window at this point.

<The speedy black Honda zips in and out of traffic while Kara attempts to navigate, and Amy winces continuously due to the blisters and owwies on her poor feet. A good fifteen minutes pass by until Kara realizes that she doesn't know where she is. Amy suddenly realizes that she doesn't know where they are either, but pretends confidence and knowledge of their whereabouts in order to reassure an uncomfortable and uncertain Kara. Here is where things begin to go really bad.>

Kara: "Um... Amers...? Do you know where we are?"

Amy: "Oh, of course I do." (This is obviously a blatant lie.) "We just go that way... and then we should be back in Rochester by the campus. Just follow that car there."

Kara: (Blindly follows Amy's not-so-accurate and completely random directions.) "This doesn't look like the way we came..."

<Our lost heroes find themselves, once again, in the ghetto. A different ghetto. A scarier ghetto, complete with angry-looking citizens and lowered Cadillacs and blaring rap music and very, very ghetto housing projects. This is not good. Amy and Kara again try to look unconspicuous and act as if they actually know where they are going. At one point they pull into a parking lot to turn around and are confronted with a row of residents staring at them. As this is frightening, they swiftly lock their doors and drive away as fast as possible without hitting anyone's tricked-out Accord or cutting off any road-rage-inclined drivers.>

Kara: (Is beginning to see the truth here.) "You don't know where we are either. We're lost."

Amy: (Tries to lie confidently, and fails.) "We're not lost! I know where we ar-- oh shit, okay. We're lost."

<More driving.>

Amy: "Let's take the freeway. It has to lead back to campus somehow."

Kara: "Alright... which direction? Which freeway?"

Amy: (Puts her trust in the fates and points.) "That one." (Randomly chooses a direction.) "East."

<Fifteen minutes pass by, until Kara notices a sign that says "Welcome to Greece." As it so happens, Greece is a town at least ten miles away from Rochester. It is in the middle of nowhere. There are no signs leading anywhere. Kara becomes irritated at Amy's obvious lack of directional talent, pulls a u-turn in the middle of a very busy highway, and goes back into the city. Amy hardly notices, being busy avoiding Kara's glares and quietly muttered Jewish curses.>

Kara: "We're back in Rochester. I won't even ask you where we should go."

Amy: (Happens to see a freeway she actually recognizes, and by sheer force of will and persuasive lawyer-talents, manages to convince Kara to take said freeway. They see a sign stating "Elmwood Rd." Elmwood Road runs past their school. This is good.) "There! Elmwood! Take Elmwoooooooood!"

<By some divine force, Elmwood does indeed lead our pair back toward the University of Rochester. After much debate, they decide to go to Wegman's to buy their carpet. In sullen silence, they proceed back home. For perhaps the only time in their lives, they are actually happy to see their school again.>

Amy & Kara: (In unison.) "HALLEJULAH! IT'S OUR SCHOOL! IT'S OUR DORM! OUR BEDS ARE IN THERE!"

<Happy ending music>

And thus the tale of Amy and Kara's adventures comes to a close. Weary but safe, they collapse in their rooms, enjoy their nice new carpet, and agree not to ever speak of this journey again.