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Amy's Marathon Adventures

Amy: <turns game demo on> Hrmle. This doesn't look so hard. After all; it's a Mac game.
Norman responds with scary demo music and flashing pictures of guns and aliens
Amy: Oooooookay. Well, since it has guns, it must be fun! (At this point, Amy is optimistic)
More frighteningly *not* frightening demo music erupts
Amy: Enough with the music! On with the blasting of the aliens!

Interlude while game loads. Slowly. Very slowly. WHERE ARE MY DAMN GUNS ALREADY?!

Amy: Ooooooh. Oooooh oooooh oooooh. I have a machine gun. <drools>
Suddenly an alien appears out of nowhere. Amy struggles with keyboard controls
Amy: Shoot! ARGH, SHOOT HIM! WHICH ONE'S THE TRIGGER?! I'M GOING TO DIE! BLAST HIM!
Realizes spacebar = big nasty machine gun trigger. Gut-explosion ensues.
Amy: Hot damn Juanita! Take that, bitch!
Now there are *four* aliens.
Amy cannot find the forward control.
Amy cannot find the left control.
Amy cannot find the right control.
Quite frankly, Amy knows jack shit nothing about how to work her keyboard.
Amy gives up and just fires until blood spatters everywhere.
Amy: <wild unintelligible curses> !@#$!@#$!@#$@#$!@#$!!!! (Not suitable for impressionable audiences)

Five minutes pass. Amy still has no idea how to move anywhere.
Amy: Fine. <harumphs> I'll just wait until the bad guys come to me. <shoot wall randomly>
Two minutes pass by. Amy, the Patron Saint of Patience, is a saint no longer.
Amy: WHERE ARE ALL THE FREAKIN' ALIENS?!@#$!@# <more cursing>

Oh miracle of miracles! Amy figures out how to move *forward*!

Amy: <commences moving forward> <hits the wall> <is STUCK>
Armored Rambo-esque hero rams the wall futilely.
Amy: COME ON! Go somewhere! Kill something, damnit, I want to kill something!
Random keystrokes and under-the-breathe mumblings can be heard throughout the house.
WHOA! Amy discovers that the 'e' key makes her character's gun tilt up.
Amy also discovers that this knowledge is USELESS. There are no aliens on the ceiling.
Amy: Well, what the-- (Descriptive inappropriate language censored)
An alien appears. However, Amy's gun is *still* pointed at the ceiling, and she has as of yet been unable to figure out how to point her gun back in the right direction.
Amy: SHOOT THE MOTHERFUCKER, NOT THE CEILING! AHHHHHHHHH!@$#!@#!$#@

Big hero-man dies in a cacophany of Jap curses and flying blood-spattered insides.

Game Over.

It's 7:00. I have two hours until I must wake for classtime.

I won't be home until around 3pm or so my time, so it isn't as if you don't have hours upon hours of time to nap and catch up on your rest and think of things to post. Seeing as how my mother took my car, I am the bike-riding wonder today, so it might even be later than 3 this afternoon. Pray it isn't. Please, pray for me, really. I want my car back.

Oh, and just so you know, I'm extremely disgruntled that Gabe didn't fall to his untimely death and land in a splatter of guts and make a big splatting sound so we all could have cheered and thrown a party since Mode would thus be mine, ALL MINE, FOREVER! <sigh> You cruel people, torturing me like this.

Jesus, it's 730am, and I'm already rambling.